I SAT OPPOSITE my wife in a steakhouse – in itself not the most intriguing anecdote to be retold at parties – we were waiting for our drinks order. A rum and coke for myself, a G&T for her in case you wondered. The taxi man was driving, in case you thought we might be risking DUI.
What happened two tables down was equally Tuesday-night-dull. Two guys; one in leather, the other suited, sat down. They looked serious.
Our drinks order arrived complete with wet napkins thanks to the Parkinson’s waiter. Apart from the recent spillage his service had been great as usual. Kevin was his name, just working away like everyone else to put some cash in his paw, so he could go and get wankered Friday to Sunday.
Now, when a place is quiet, and your wife is tired from a twenty four hour shift, voices can be heard, up to at least five tables away. Leather and Suit were deeply engaged in a conversation. Not one for invasions of privacy I wasn’t deliberately earwigging, I had no Facebook in me in that regard, but you know when you overhear people talking and it is captivating and mysterious? Well theirs grabbed me by the ankles and dragged me over. Olivia was too far gone to notice.
“Did you drown the kittens?” – Suit
“Of course I did, I told you didn’t I? Trust me when I say I’ve done something, it’s unbecoming of you not to.” – Leather
“What about the everything? How many tyres are on the road?” – Suit
I shook my drink, mixing the ice and dark seven year rum just as my Olivia excused herself to go to the toilet with a weak but genuine smile.
“Tyres, tyres! It’s not about the tyres, it’s the size of the trailer.” -Suit
“If I had a Panda for every time you mentioned tyres…” – Leather
Chuckles. Some sort of inside joke.
“…but seriously, I have sunlight hitting skin allll overrr. People are feeling my heat, and yours of course.” – Leather
Kevin approached and took their order. Hungry fellas. Two 21oz sirloins and a couple of double whiskies.
“I do love steak.” – Leather
“So, did I understand Robs take? He will cut off the head if we pluck the chicken?” – Suit
“Well I’m not sure it’s as simple as that. We might not even be talking chickens because of that last agreement. But! – no matter what, he will renegotiate, because, like we’ve seen in the past, bumpers will touch bumpers and sometimes the side airbag goes off.” – Leather
Suit nodded vigorously at this evidently important point.
Olivia returned along with a new coating of lip gloss. She timidly sipped at the G&T as if there was a fly at the bottom of the glass. She said something barely audible but my ears were too busy concentrating on the convo down the way. She twisted around in her crinkly dress, wondering where my attention had gone.
“Let’s leave!” she demanded, once facing me again.
I had little choice. What do you say in this circumstance? Sorry my lovely, but I was most intrigued by the indecipherable and insane back and forth of those two suspect characters…do give me a minute.
I downed my juice, slapped twenty five on the table, slipped my wife and myself into our jackets and headed out, past the two guys. I heard one last string of words before I left.
“..well, I’ve heard the wife is called Olivia. No idea what he looks like, shouldn’t be hard to track him though…small town, tight community. Once the cement sets we’ll be under a moon far away… shame about the kids..” – Leather