How Films Receive Their Stars

gladiator juaquin phoenix bad review thumbs down

FROM THE DIRECTOR of ‘Absolute’ and ‘Garbage’

(Somehow the guy got funding after two cinematic abominations)

comes ‘Only’ based on real events.

(Loosely based on something that vaguely happened)

((Any semblance of the ‘real’ story will not be found in this motion picture))

(((The scriptwriter used one plot device and carelessly, without intelligence lets you know the ending in the first ten minutes, or 45 if you include the adverts beforehand)))

***** ‘Gripping, will leave you breathless’ – Daily Liar Ben Rivers

(If I don’t give it ***** the editor will kill me, he has a big spread on the lead actress next week)

((I fucking hated this trash and wouldn’t even give it one star. The only likeable aspect is the ratio…and short run time))

(((DO NOT spend any money on this nonsensical schlock – download and distribute it illegally – I beg you!)))

**** ‘Mesmerising’ – Sunday Reflection Tony Sellers

(Guaranteed clean sweep at the Razzies, the name of one of the characters is the only thing Oscar related)

((I’m sick of lying about films and what I really think of them. I’d lose my job if I was honest))

(((You’ll find more intricate plot twists in Vine videos, and better direction)))

**** – ‘Leaves you wanting more’ – Full Film Anita Wenning

(Loved it! I could read a magazine, play on my tablet and still keep track of the story)

((Some total hunks involved, Luke Waddington is amazing))

(((Ok, this was total trash, but I know people who know people and if I give a film less than four stars I won’t get any big interviews, I’ll be blacklisted ending my social climbing)))

((((Honestly? I heard this was terrible, I actually never even watched it apart from a two minute trailer))))

2 thoughts on “How Films Receive Their Stars

  1. This is a post about film critics!!!??? Do they actually get paid more if they give it 5 stars?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is about film critics, a bit of an experimental piece not sure if it worked out how I wanted it to.
      It came mostly from imagination but it would not surprise me if they are ‘incentivised’ to give more stars irrespective of film quality.


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