ALLITERATION. OH YEAH!!!
In the process of writing the word ‘submission’ seems highly apt. We as writers cower and fret over the quality of our writing, praying, wishing and hoping the dark editorial overlords will accept us for who we are, for what we have produced. In a way it is sadomasochistic, because depending on the publication and how highly they regard themselves, we are powerless once we agree to submit, like a dog rolling over at the feet of its master, desperate for a belly rub to acknowledge our presence.
Having found Rejectomancer’s tips on Cover Letters and related information highly useful I’m going on a kamikaze mission for the rest of the month, populating the submissions inbox of various publications in the desperate hope that one of them will accept me, like a comedian airing their soul in front of one person. Does one person even constitute an audience?! Before that happens however, there are various gripes I’d like to share with you:
- One one site of many they offer payment to the author for a short story – how noble. Three dollar submission fee. Or six bucks for three stories. $4 profit. WTF?
- We may take 3-4 months to reply. WTF?
- Buy our magazine so you know what we are looking for. WTF?
Firstly, paying to get rejected? No thanks. I’m not brain dead.
Secondly, 3-4 months (I’ve seen longer…)? If their turnaround is that slow, either they can’t read or they have the most inefficient selection process known to mankind.
Thirdly, we the writers are offering the goods here. No writing, no mag. It doesn’t work the other way around. So many publications use the dirty tactic of encouraging us to buy the mag. Again, I’m not an idiot. But you’ll appreciate what style of writing we like! Well that’s presumptious. The mag might be terrible, and there’s a good chance the writing isn’t compatible with what 90% of writers write. So again, there’s only one winner there. It’s a roundabout way of screwing the writer who they probably won’t publish anyway.
Additionally, the whole short story submission process just seems…messy. There’s annuals here, triannuals over there, quarterly’s up yonder. Just catching an acceptance period seems like an acheivement in itself. Then there’s the turnaround that is so slow it’s torturous and the only way to steel yourself, to have any resolve left after just one submission, is to keep sending stories out, the opposite of viral, one by one, hoping that in half a years time one of many publications might have had the decency to reject you in writing instead of leaving you out in the cold dead streets of Writersville.
Sounds like fun? It does doesn’t it? FUN. FUN! I’m convincing myself through repetition..