Snow White and the..WHAT THE HELL?! – SHORT STORY

disney snow white wicked witch

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I’d never seen the message before that appeared on my laptop screen briefly; then the DVD whirred, booting seconds later, subjecting me to a piracy warning and the Walt Disney logo as Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs began to play, accompanied by sweeping music.
As the magical Technicolor animation commenced I relaxed in my seat with a drink, letting the story wash over me, transporting me to a place outside of myself.

***

Finally awake from her slumber, Snow White met the dwarfs; Dopey, Sneezy, Bashful, Doc, Happy, Sleepy, Batman and Grumpy.
Batman?! I tried to pause to rewind. Nothing worked. I looked at the sell by date on my chocolate milk, as if that might be to blame.

What the hell? There he was again, arms crossed, towering over the dwarfs. The dialogue had changed.

“You look like a dame who knows a thing or two. How do I get to Gotham City?”

Snow White looked at him, recoiling slightly on her bed. “Gotham? Why, I’ve never heard of such a place!”

Engrossed I kept trying to hit pause, but the film wouldn’t stop.

The dwarfs shrank away, except for Grumpy who glared at Batman, “Get out, get out, get out!” he screamed. Batman took a second before deciding to bitch slap him across the room.

Snow White stood up, hands on hips, eyes narrowed. “That’s no way to treat my friends! Do like he said and get out of here!”

Smacking his head on the doorway, Batman did as he was asked, desperately lost, desperate to find Gotham.

Suddenly the storyline reverted back to normal, the scenes intact.

Part of my brain couldn’t accept it. Yet I knew what I had just seen. On edge I monitored the cartoon frame by frame, looking for reassurance that I had seen the Dark Knight, but everything was in order as the story progressed.

The wicked witch appeared at the window, offering culinary advice on pies to Snow White, then once inside gave her the poison and jealousy infused red apple, playing her treacherous game, until Snow White acquiesced, ready to take a bite..

“Not so fast!” Batman had returned. Quick as a flash he threw a batarang at the witch, laying her out cold, then needlessly, when he could have run over, used his grappling hook to whisk the apple from Snow White’s hands. She opened her eyes in surprise, shocked at the witch on the floor.

From a window sill Batman spoke gruffly. “Lady! Whatever your name is, I just saved your life. That old witch was going to kill you. I didn’t find Gotham, but I found out she has a rap sheet longer than The Joker.” Snow White’s expression didn’t register. “Never mind! I hope you don’t mind me taking this. I’ll need something for the road ahead.” And with that Batman sunk his teeth into the ripe apple.

Enraptured and still certain I had imbibed some hallucinogenics some way some how, I sat a foot from the screen, spellbound by the turn of events. Then the screen froze. The DVD software crashed taking me back to my desktop. I immediately ejected the disc…but what was that? how strange! The Snow White disc was stuck underneath a DVD of Batman cartoons…

14 Comments

      1. What I enjoyed about the story was the cut and go way of introducing a non-canon character into the story of another. Was simply brilliant and, at least to me, hilarious.

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